unequally yoked

do you expect to be the utmost important thing to the one and only person you love?

im not referring to family, cus they are a total different category altogether.

your boyfriend for example, unlike family, have no obligations to stand by your ups and downs or your times of pure evilness. he has no obligations to abandon his goals, career, ideology or religion. yet somehow, i always assumed he would if that was what it took to be with me.

once, he said he would die for me. i didn't want him to die for me, yet from that statement i assumed that he would give up anything for me. would he die for his goals, career, ideology or religion? probably not i thought. hence, the assumption that he would give up anything for me.

however, recently i realized otherwise. it seems like if he had to choose between his religion or me, he would choose the former. the reason given being if i was one to make him choose, i was not the one that he wants. no, i don't want to make him choose. but i want to know that if he had to choose, it would be me he chooses. sounds screwed? i probably am.

i want to freaking know that even if I was a damned unreasonable bitch that told him "quit your religion or we are over", he would. or that his religion told him "cut ties with that bitch or stop coming to church", and he wouldn't.

we've been reminded by his fellow devotees that relationship/marriage between a believer and non-believer is a sin, and had a fight over it. however, it seemed like he was ready to disobey God for me...for the time being at least. yet, now it unsettles me knowing that if forced to make a choice between his religion and me, he would choose the former. Not that i want to force him to make a choice, but i cower so at the thought that i'm just something waiting for his religion to deem intolerable and be pushed out. the fear penetrates the spirit of my very being knowing that i'm helpless to do anything about it.

i wonder how long will it take before he would blame problems in our relationship on the fact that i was 'unsaved'. because i am 'unsaved', hence i am such a bad-tempered, unreasonable, arrogant, evil bitch...until he finally decides "God was right, i shouldn't be with that bitch who rejected God. I shouldn't have disobeyed God." and dumps me. i am afraid of that day. why should i be by his side, like a weed waiting to be pulled out, despite all his claims of love for me?

2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.”

my heart goes out to those whose love was denied, rejected and then crushed all in the name of being 'unsaved'. it is as if us non-believers are labelled as unworthy of those believers from the very day we exist.

i used to think that one would do anything for love. but today i realized, love can do fairly little. Love cannot change one thing, ideologies. Ideologies is what decides how much anything can change another thing. If love is top in your ideologies list, then it can change anything, even one's religion. But if love is trailing after religion, goals, career, family, money, fame, then love probably can't do much.

i used to think i would do anything for love. but today i asked myself, if the one i loved gave me the ultimatum and said "become a believer or i will leave you". i probably would refuse right off the bat. my own answer surprised even myself. always thought of myself as someone who regarded love highly, i couldn't understand why i rejected it immediately. on reflection i realized that love wasn't all that majestic and beautiful after all.

romantic love between essentially two strangers stand no chance against the battering forces of their own beliefs. sure, you hear about romeo and juliet, 牛郎 and 织女, stories that make love sound so great and powerful. but love is extremely vulnerable in the face of their own beliefs, simply because one's beliefs is what love is constructed from. when two people have opposing beliefs in love, they have nothing else to hold them together and eventually fall apart.

love is fragile that way.



sources/research/reads~ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7