If Atheists Ruled The World - On Atheism and Immorality

Watch these 3 Christians (i presume) talk about evolution, skip to 2:08 to watch the part when the guy with the cap thing (somebody enlighten me what is that please? i have no fashion knowledge at all -.-) describes how the world would be like if atheists ruled it.



After watching, I was quite irritated and was prepared to launch into a full-fledged essay about why atheists are not necessarily immoral.

But i did a google search and I found this brilliant essay by Alonzo Fyfe which basically said everything i wanted to say. Please read his essay here and leave him a comment if you like it ^^

Now time for some personal flaming.

I simply hate that guy with the cap thing (help!). It has nothing to do with his religion -.- It's just the way the you can tell he sees non-believers/agnostics/atheists as lowly, immoral scum. The way he speaks with deeply grounded anger and contempt in his heart. The way every time he finishes a point, he'll do a slight head tilt to the left and give his I'm-So-Damn-Right stare.

"I know that if i didn't have God's judgement to fear, I would have killed many many lives." he said.

I actually have this theory that some people are only ethical because they fear God, and it's true! It is not my problem if he needs God to keep him from killing (something i would never understand). But he has to understand some of us atheists and some believers alike, don't need God to be ethical. I'm an agnostic/atheist and I haven't killed anyone, nor have i even THOUGHT about killing. For goodness sake, I don't even LITTER. -.-

When people have their own set of ethics, principles and values...they can be ethical even without God's set of divine rules.

I know many pretty damn good Christians and religious people out there (my bf is a christian) and it's sad that it is always a small portion of people who makes a bad name for them.

If God or the Bible taught you anything, it should have taught you to see the world in a better light.

Anti-Stress Kit is here to help!

lol ! i know this is lame XD but i just like to post funny lame stuff when i don't feel like writing.

i know i am so going to look back and think, "WTH was i thinking when i posted those crap on my blog? pollute my own blog..."

apparently i have this grand conception that my blog should be like mostly of seemingly intellectual crap and my readers would be bobbing their heads in agreement with me...instead of like pathetic-attempts-at-creating-humor crap.

sigh.

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Are you afraid of Cockroaches? Well, you should be !

Personally, I am quite afraid of cockroaches X_X especially those FREAKING flying ones !!!

typical I-See-A-Cockroach behaviour is to leap onto higher ground, grab insecticide and spray it. now, the cockroach will go "berserk" but don't stop here....SPRAY IT CONTINUOUSLY UNTIL IT FLIPS OVER AND DIES !!! Lol.

I didn't used to be quite so timid, but in my defense...it is SENSIBLE to be scared once your brain processes how disgusting that little critter is.

take my brother for example, when he was small he wasn't scared of roaches at all.

he would pick them up by their feelers and throw them away!!!...now i swear he's more afraid than I am !

i reckon that when his brain was too young (or stupid) to understand the horror of roaches - he COULDN'T be scared. but when he became more intelligent, common sense probably told him to "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE !!!"

lol, i think i've proven my point ^^

but if you are still not convinced...(esp pretend macho guys smirking behind your computers..)

WHY YOU SHOULD BE AFRAID OF COCKROACHES

1) The largest cockroach is 9 cm longggggggggggggg !!! oh the horror.

2) They can live for a week WITHOUT THEIR HEADS cus they don't breath through their heads :/ they only die cus they can't drink water without a head -.-

imagine a decapitated cockroach running around...what fun!

3) Females of some species only need to mate once, and they CAN LAY EGGS FOR LIFE!

wooot, fancy being PREGNANT FOR LIFE? ^^

4) They can stop breathing for 45minutes X_X so don't even TRY to drown a cockroach...

5) They have SUPER FAST REFLEXES, even faster than Michael Jordan xD

6) They can make their hearts stop pumping, with no harm to itself ! -.-

7) They can live for 30 days without food, and they can even live off the glue behind postage stamps :/...

8) If humans were wiped out in a Nuclear War, Cockroaches would OVERTAKE THE EARTH ! hurray!

the above are excuses to justify my hate for cockroaches ;)

and there are people who support me!

Cockroach Facial!




see the cockroach leg on her face? :/

cockroach massacre in the name of beauty !

it doesn't get better than this! :D

p.s. would you try this? :/

Earth Hour - a Publicity Stunt?

Earth Hour 2009 the largest mass participation event in history is in 3 days, 28th March 2009.



For the ill-informed, Earth Hour is an event to switch off your lights for one hour at 8.30 pm, 28th March local time, no matter where you are in the world. Your light switch will serve as a vote, switching them off as a vote for Earth, or leaving them on as a vote for global warming. The votes will be presented to the world leaders at the Global Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen (GCCC) 2009.

So are you getting ready to pull the plug?

Well, my family isn't cus they have always been the heck care type.

Other than that, I have my own reservations about the overblown event.

Sure, it is a great event to create awareness about global warming and seemingly unite the world for a good cause but to me, it is just another showy cause that people join just for the hype.

Hype is good, hype creates popularity.

Popularity will get them their 1 billion votes to 'threaten' the world leaders at the GCCC.

But how many of the participants sincerely care enough to do the small things in their daily lives to save the Earth or do they just want to go "Yo, did you switch off the lights last night? I did." to their colleague the next day. (of course there's nothing essentially wrong with that)

What i am saying is that, the votes gotten will NOT be representative of the actual numbers that really care enough to do something about it. (but since this is not their goal in the first place, as long as they achieve what they want...who cares?)

But I can't help but notice the shrewd false dichotomy(a type of fallacy) presented in their campaign.

"switching them off as a vote for Earth, or leaving them on as a vote for global warming"

Where is the I Don't Give A Rat's Ass vote?

Of course, this is a clever catch here because people can argue that if you don't care, you don't take action to save the Earth, global warming will worsen, hence you are for global warming.

But, how about this? What if I'm for saving the Earth by doing little things in my daily life but I'm not for governments increasing taxes in the name of curbing global warming? What do i vote then?

Furthermore, the whole campaign also cunningly appeals to people's innate need to be "good".

When presented with 2 options where one is obviously the right thing to do and the other one wrong, without any implications or inconveniences incurred, it is human nature to choose the right thing. Just how many of these votes are people who DON'T CARE, but just want to do the RIGHT THING?

With all these background tricks, how representative are the votes really?

Actually I had a more issues and doubts to raise up, like:

-Advertising costs, costs to run the whole event, whether it is cost effective, is there a better way to spend all the funds used on Earth Hour for some other cause?

-Whether the sudden surge in power when all the lights turn back on will cause stress on power stations, and whether the energy saved is significant since it takes up more power to start up appliances than to run it.

-Won't using candles for the event actually produce more Co2 than saved?

But they answered all my doubts pretty well here.

I won't say more since i do not have the expertise to tell what is really true and they can always say what they want, so there's no point.

For those of you who think you're really saving energy during the event, think again.

Are you really only putting off the stuff you will do during that hour until it is over? It is not your fault since stuff that has to be done, has to be done. But in that case, you aren't really saving the Earth; just wasting your time making a statement (which i remind you, this statement is worthless unless you actually commit to it AFTER Earth Hour), joining the hype.

However, most of us are willing to sidestep this "whether energy will really be saved" issue to focus on "whether Earth Hour will really make a difference to the decisions made during the Global Climate Change Conference 2009?".

The answer to this question is one that i may never know, but i reckon that the 1 Billion votes collected from Earth Hour isn't so much to tell the leaders in GCCC that "this many people supports saving the Earth" but rather "THIS MANY people will be watching the decisions you make during the GCCC."

Lastly, woot! i can finally use the computer in the dark without my mum nagging at me that the glare is bad for my eyes! (yes i'm going to use the computer during Earth Hour so see how many of my friends actually participated ^^ )

DISCLAIMER: The above written is in no way advocating people to go against the Earth Hour campaign.

A New Perspective On Love

I'm a loner.

Algene definitely got that right.

It's not that i don't have friends. I'm a loner, not an outcast.

But somehow, I just rarely hang out with them.

Maybe it is due to my unpopular interests, or introversion, or the fact that i like my alone time...or simply because i have a sign pasted on my back that says "She Is Boring And Socially Awkward. Do Not Ask Her Out."

It's worse that i'm not even close to my family. We are on good terms but there is minimum interaction. I'm in my closed room by myself most of the time, and i don't even feel comfortable when they come in. They also go out for dinner, on shopping trips, just the 3 of them (my parents and younger brother) without asking me. Wow, there must really be something wrong with me.

(ok this is just turning into another self-hating post like this one.)

Perhaps the fact that i'm a loner made me rely on DC so much.

He was like the family i never had. Someone who sincerely cared and was always, always there for me.

I clung onto him like a survivor clinging onto a lifebuoy amidst the turbulent seas.

Once i described him like he was a fairytale come true that i'm afraid might end.

yet, now it doesn't even feel like the fairytale ended but like it didn't even exist in the first place.

If you talked to me a month ago, you would have known the Shu Fen who believed in fairytales come true.

She was happy and contented, and sincerely believed that her relationship would work out for the best and end happily ever after.

Now she's just a old wrinkled granny inside, waiting to croak.

And replacing her is the new Shu Fen, who is just kick you in the crotch, spit on your neck fantastic (sounds familiar?).

She is strong, independent and doesn't need anyone.

Her only philsophy is: Do not place all your chips on a single bet. (as advised by Algene)

Actually, don't risk your chips at all unless it's a definite win.

Sure, it is important to discuss marriage and the future with your boyfriend to you know, see if you guys are going down the same path but don't put much hope in it lest he leaves you devastated.

oh, maybe that's why less people are getting married? because people are saving their chips?

oh shit, the Singapore government is going to shut down my blog for going against their Romancing Singapore campaigns right? lol kidding xD

if you are wondering whether i broke up with DC, no i didn't.

but it almost feels like i'm single again.

The Worst Birthday Ever

my disastrous 19th birthday started out at 22 march, 12 am.

vivien asked me about plans for my birthday and that triggered my underlying insecurity that DC doesn't put in effort for my birthday or celebrations (like Valentine's).

i was tired of being the one always driving the relationship along. always the one to initiate stuff, deciding what to do, where to go .etc

it made me feel unwanted and unappreciated.

the next day, the wound that vivien uncovered wouldn't close itself back. insecurities ensued. i talked to my colleague, Algene at work and what he was basically telling me (or what i understood influenced by all my insecurities) is that "DC treats me like shit."

he refuses to plan dates, even on special occasions (christmas, valentine's, birthday, anniversary).

he will not do a single thing for a special occasion if i did not ask or blatantly hint for him to do so.

so i smsed him not to come, but he came anyway.

we exchanged hostile conversation outside my workplace.

later i tried to get him to go home by dodging around, but he followed me home anyway.

secretly, i'm really grateful for that.

i closed my door without a goodbye to him.

20 minutes later i was surprised by a knock on my window.

i didn't expect him to come back.

there he was, outside my window with a cake.

he went to pick up the cake we ordered together.

"Happy Birthday" he said.

i ran out of my room and out of my house, but he was already in the lift on his way to the first floor.

i ran, barefooted down 14 flights of stairs and out in the carpark and shouted his name.

he came back for me, and we sat on the stairs at 4th storey and talked.

talking didn't go so well. apparently he is too busy seeing me every other day to plan for special occasions. i stood up and said "fine, i'll give you the freedom you want" and left.

halfway to my house, i regretted it and ran back down...but he left already.

i collapsed on the stairs and cried.

suddenly i saw the lift come down from the 7th floor (where my house is), i thought maybe he took the lift up to look for me.

again, i chased the lift down to the first floor. yet, it wasn't DC i saw but my dad going out. he didn't see me.

i climbed up the stairs and collapsed somewhere to cry again.

later after i went home, i decided to cut the cake.

my half priced $19.50 cookies and cream cheesecake from bakerzin.





no candles, no one to sing birthday song for me...

Happy Birthday to me.

Chivalry is Dead

yesterday i met up with a long time close guy friend (since primary school) at 9pm at a place close to both our houses (we live only a few blocks away from each other).

we were talking about what university courses to go into, whether he should get a girlfriend and stuff.

He asked me "Do you think I'm considered an eligible guy?"

At that point of time, i said yes.

top junior college, fantastic A level results, bright future, tall (182cm), pleasant looking...not bad right?

but when our meeting ended at slightly after 11pm, i was left to walk home alone.

i wasn't waiting for him to offer to walk me home or anything, it simply occurred to me on the way home and i hate walking home alone at night.

is it wrong to expect guys (even guys who aren't interested in you, just friends) to walk you home when it's really late?

it wasn't even far...just 5 minutes?

to my HORROR and DISTASTE, DC (fyi, my boyfriend) actually disagrees with me !!!

he thinks that it is not wrong of him to not offer to walk me home...

gahhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!

what happened to chivalry, gentlemen, or even SOCIAL ETIQUETTE ?

ok screw those stuff, i don't even care for guys opening doors, pulling out chairs, or footing the bill for me but this is one small thing that i expect all guys to do for all girls (friends or girlfriends).

perhaps not when it's in the day, not when her house is seriously far away (friends only).

i mean this is like the most sensible thing out of all the gentlemen stuff, ENSURE HER SAFETY BY SENDING HER HOME AT NIGHT.

is that too much too ask? or too difficult to do?

by the way, this post is not meant to be a personal attack on anyone.

i do not think less of my friend except for the fact that i'm less inclined to introduce my girl friends to him and he is no longer considered eligible in my book ^^ (but of course, that's a personal preference)

as for DC, i love him and as long as he is gentlemanly to me, i can live with that :D

p.s. he did surprise me today by picking me up from work today although he said he would be busy working ^^

Seeking Solace

don't you simply love those snowy white scenery during winter?

unfortunately, Singapore is a place where pigs will fly for a zillion years before it snows ):

but...there's a virtual winter wonderland for everyone... ;)



This is Gaiam's Winter Room !

Have a look, enjoy the beauty of nature, serene music and just relax~~

They also have other rooms but the Winter Room is my personal favourite! ^^

Also for the geeks (myself included), check out the Space Room! and blow yourself away with those breathtaking pictures...

(thanks to rosewoman who blogged about it first ^^)

It's not always "I", sometimes it's "ME" !!!

lol ! this is the best blog post i've came across in ages.

Read it here.

You do not always use "I" when talking about yourself and someone else, sometimes you use "me".

For example:

"Jane and I are going to the store." is correct.

"The man gave ice cream to Jane and I." is wrong !!

It should be "The man gave ice cream to Jane and me."

How do you know when to use which?

Simple. Just remove the other person and see if it works.

For example:

"The man gave ice cream to Jane and I."

How horrible does this sound?

Obviously it is "The man gave ice cream to me."

THEREFORE, it is "The man gave ice cream to Jane and me."

Lol, check out the comments on that post. Whoa there are some seriously irritated english geeks out there...and some jokers who deliberately made mistakes just to piss them off... hahahaa xD

Update On My Fat-Loss Regime

Remember i said i was embarking on a fat-loss regime?

On average i'm going to the gym like 3 times a week and i'm burning an average of 600 calories per trip (excluding calories burnt from weights exercises).

But the sad thing is....................I GAINED 1 KG INSTEAD !!!!

Yes, tragic isn't it?

I work my ass off and this is what i get? X_X

actually i think it's cus i'm gaining back muscle mass faster than i'm losing fats.

Well, it better be or i am going to be so PISSED.

Or...................... maybe it's due to all the FATTY FOOD i ate...

for the record, last week till today i ate...

1) Ritter Sport chocolate


2) Vanhouten roast almond chocolate


3) 4 LARGE packets of spicy Tao Kae Noi (seaweed)


4) 1 whole box of Ferrero Rocher (25 pieces)


5) 2 latte flavored ice creams

(lol the pics are just there to emphasize how much i ate ^^ )

OMG, i should be thankful that i only gained 1kg -_- ...

so much for losing weight......

One piece of advice...DO NOT GO SHOPPING ON WHEN YOU ARE HUNGRY! cus you'll end up buying lots of sinful food :(

My House Is A Grocery Store

Lol ! Does your house have as many instant noodles as mine does??

I bet it doesn't =P

haha, and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

we have like a cupboard full of shampoos, soap, toothpaste, oil, rice, biscuits...

i think we'll be the last to starve in a disaster XD

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Thanks to Liza from A Simple Life for giving me this award ^^

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Too Good To Be True

So i finally finished New Moon by Stephenie Meyer !

(and i'm getting Eclipse and Breaking Dawn tomorrow! thanks to Celine, i'm super grateful XD books are just so ex! and of cos my dear DC for picking them up from Celine :D)

Edward said to Bella...

"When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy...
.
.
.
But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I loved you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"(pg 510)

believe me, i had tears in my eyes when i read that.

why?

because i can relate so much to it.

have you heard of something called "too good to be true?"

i know it'll break my heart if DC told me he didn't love me anymore...but i'll totally believe him...

because from the very first time he told me he loved me, i knew......i knew it was too good to be true.

when something so unbelievably wonderful happens to you, something too good to be true...in my mind, every second, i'm always waiting...waiting for reality to come crashing down on me.

waiting for my worst fear to come true.

this is why, everyday, i never fail to ask DC whether he loves me...it is not out of routine or habit, but my subconsciousness keeping in check every second of happiness i'm cheating out of life.

this is why, if DC told me he didn't love me anymore, i would believe him...no matter how many times he once said he loved me, in my mind it is just something waiting to happen...because he was too good to be true.

instead of feeling betrayed, i'll probably think...with tears running down my face..."i've conned a good deal out of life actually...".

there is no faith in the first place (referring to the quote from the book), just waiting...waiting for the dream to end.

now still, i'm waiting...waiting for this wonderful dream with DC to end.

because it is too good to be true.

Bella said to Edward...
"It never made sense for you to love me...I always knew that..."

right now, i'm just contented knowing that somewhere out there, asleep, is someone who loves me.

Vocabulary Geek

Yesh! I'm a vocabulary geek!

well, my english and range of vocab might not be as good or as wide as many i know, but you know... i'm making an effort ^^

but really it's some kind of weird obsession with learning new words and being grammatically correct.

oh, don't even get me started on S.P.E.L.L.I.N.G lol.

just don't take offence when i correct your spelling ^^ hehe.

the thing is........don't you feel frustrated when you learned the meaning of a word only to forget it later?

ok, if you're pinching your nose and trying not to puke from the stench of what smells like G-E-E-K-S....you can leave, i wont force you. ^^

anyway, the deal is.....I CREATED A VOCABULARY LIST ONLINE ON GOOGLE DOCS !!

you can access it here.

as i was saying...i'm a vocabulary geek. i keep a list of new words i learn with their meanings in a book (or i used to, until i got lazy). So Google Docs is really much easier for me, i just punch in the word (with the Excel formula) whenever i learn something new...and occasionally i can review it and anything i forget, i click and i recap!

SIMPLE.

no more copying down meanings. (that really sucks...)

ya huh, you have my permission to throw up now.

well, i will be updating it and ANYONE can access it ANYTIME, so my vocabulary list is here to serve you ^^

do check it out whenever you feel you're game for some englishhhhhhhhhh ^^

or whenever you just want to read and balloon up with egotism knowing that you already knew all the vocabulary i learned :D

Embarking on a fat-loss regime

lol, actually i started this last week and i've been to the gym a grand total of.....2 times!

at 1.68m and 59kg, i'm not exactly fat but definitely too meaty for my liking.

i've 'tried' to lose weight before but nothing ever lasted more than 2 days ^^

so i have not successfully lost any weight before except for the time when i was in Track & Field in Sec 1...i think i lost like 7 kg and weighed 53kg, the fittest period of my whole life lol.

hm...but somehow i only ran 12+ mins for my 2.4km that time, but i ran 11+ mins last year when i was in Squash but at 60kg? oh, nvm.

but the problem with me is that, every time i finish working out at the gym i feel like I DESERVE TO EAT JUNK FOOD.

lol, this is a picture of the ritter sport chocolate i bought and finished after my first trip to the gym.


i justify my decision with the fact that it's DARK chocolate and it's supposed to be good for health...u know antioxidants in cocoa and stuff. :D

anyway i'm blogging about it here in a bid to motivate me to persevere since i have practically announced it TO THE WORLD! ( or the average of 87 visitors daily so far)

it's so irritating when those petite little girls go "oh i'm so fat, i'm over 40kg!" puh-leaseeeeeee...you are talking to someone who is 20kg heavier than you -_- ( i was 62kg at a point of time in my life)

lol, don't worry that never really did happen to me...i think it's all in my head. secretly i'm jealous all those small petite girls. GAH!

So, if i manage to lose weight until 53kg. I swear I will go to the beach and wear a swimsuit for the 2nd time in my life (ever since swimming lessons in primary school), something which I know will make DC really happy ^^ LOL.

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there's also tab grouping, vertical tabs, tab sorting functions and much more!

this addon has made my life with with Firefox SO MUCH EASIER, thank god for open source (:

Why should we not kill people?

somewhere....someone asked "Why should we not kill people? Who is to say that it is wrong?"

( do take some time to think about it.... )
.

.

.

.

.

The answer was..."I don't know, i only know that we should not kill people because someone else will be sad."

The answer shocked me.

I expected some perfect ethical, or even philosophical answer but....wow.

This answer makes me want to hit myself in the head for trying so hard to come up with a 'perfect' answer based on ethics.

This is what happens when you always use your head but never your heart to answer the important questions in life.

Death

This is a continuation to the post "In Memory Of My Grandmother".

In that post, I didn't mean to go into details about my grandma's death but everything just came gushing out once i started it.

So my Grandma passed away in February 2006...

When 2007 was coming to an end, we lost our Squash teacher, Mr Stephen Loh in a Dragonboat incident in Cambodia... Mr Loh was someone i respected the most and the best teacher i ever had, and this is not some 'formality talk' (someone please tell me a good substitute for "ke4 tao4 hua4"?) to make him look good.

Life just has it's ways of taking things away from you...

As the end of 2008 approached, Life felt like it had to take something away from me again... My maternal Grandpa died in a road accident. He was knocked down by a car while cycling on his daily visits to a chinese temple.

Now, my paternal Grandpa has cancer in the lungs which has spread to his brain. He is receiving radiotherapy 5 days a week and the doctor estimated that he has only another 2 to 5 months to live.

If growing up means embracing death, i rather not.

I was distraught to find out, in a recent conversation with Celine, that a few friends our age has died from cancer.

Suddenly the realization of how close Death is to all of us dawns me...

A few months ago, someone parking a car below my house hit the gas instead of the brake and it reversed, running over a couple sitting on a bench in an open badminton court right behind. The guy died but his girlfriend survived. How insane does this sound?

The long term couple was sitting "safely" in the badminton court chatting in the quiet peace of the night, then...WHAM. the guy you already planned to marry dies.

What really disturbs me is that, the couple could very well have been DC and me. We have played badminton there and sat down to rest on the very same bench which became their deathbed. I shudder to think the consequences.

And more than once, Death had stood silently beside, waiting to take me...

When I was just 7, returning home from the market to buy breakfast for my family, clutching packets of bee hoon, I decided to take my first jaywalk when the red man was still up. An incoming motorcycle i did not notice swerved to narrowly zoom past in front of me. I fell down and scraped my knee, with my bee hoon splattered across the bitumen road. I can't remember if i cried, but a kind stranger gave me money to buy bee hoon again and i insisted for him to not accompany me home lest he tells my parents about my folly. So with a bloody dripping knee, i bought my bee hoon again and went home telling my parents that i simply fell down.

And on more than one occasion, i was simply dreaming or reading a book while waiting to cross a traffic junction. Upon hearing the "cross" signal i simply stepped out into the road without looking up. When a bus zoomed past in front of me then i realized it was the signal for the other direction to cross, not mine. If i had been a second faster or the bus was a second slower i would have been turned to putty beneath it's wheels.

Yes i know it's dangerous, i will not do it again ^^

.
.
.
.
.
.

because of my fresh experiences with death in these recent years, i have been thinking about death very frequently.

.
.
.
.

do you believe in afterlife? heaven? reincarnation? well, in my most logical state of mind, i don't. so death for me is just...nothing. i simply cease to exist. no soul that transcends death, no ghost, no spirit, nothing.

people refuse to believe that there's nothing else after death...

that in itself is actually terrifying. the fact that you will never ever exist again, and it will be as if you never existed probably scares people so much that they believe in heaven, in reincarnation to comfort themselves. people so desperately want to believe that some part of them will continue to exist.

when i think about how those people dear to me i mentioned above will never exist again, it saddens me. it becomes worse when i think about how i will never get to be with DC again when i die...it makes me want to believe in afterlife so much...

did you watch the video, 99 balloons? remember Eliot who lived for 99 days? "See you soon, son - Mum and Dad" was what his parents ended the video with. I always cry at this part because it is so incredibly touching. But what if it weren't so, would you break it to them that they will never see their son again? If it were so, it wouldn't be touching.....it would be just sad.

It makes people feel better thinking that death is just a temporary separation before they reunite again. Perhaps it is less cruel to our hearts this way...

So many things people do to comfort themselves. They chant prayers, burn joss sticks, paper money, paper houses, cars, clothes for the dead. By doing that they make themselves feel better believing that they were able to at least help. In the end, it's all a show put up by us to make ourselves feel better.

When i die, all that's left of me would be memories of me within my dear ones. If that's gone too, i would really cease to exist...that's why i swear now that as long as i'm alive, i will always think of people dear to me who have passed, because it is tragic otherwise.

For as long as I'm alive, the fact that these people dear to me have once existed and touched my life will never be erased.

Don't forget me if i die too.

Elf ears

Remember i posted about body modification previously?

Well, i stumbled upon YET ANOTHER TYPE OF BODY MODIFICATION while searching for pictures of elf (for my own project).

Yepps, surgically enhanced elf ears!





to me, these are so much less hassle than piercings which you need to clean and remove and everything even after they are healed...

i do admit they look nice and cool haha xD

but as usual i'm too much of a conservativist (as most asian people are) to anything of that sort...

source ~ http://blog.makezine.com/archive/2008/05/bodymod_elf_ears.html

the end of a chapter in my life

yepps, God doesn't exist and I'm not going to church :)

if anyone is gonna say that it's a stupid reason to not believe in God, u know what? i don't care.

i don't need a reason to not believe in God, but i need a reason to believe in him.

yea well, so results sucked. it sucked really bad.

it's 11.24pm now and DC just went home 24minutes ago.

this whole ordeal would be so much worse without him.

i was crying and afraid to tell my parents, but DC was there for me the whole time.

believe it or not, this is the first major setback in life. the first time i actually had to break a bad news to my parents.

uh huh, 264 for PSLE, L1R5 of 6 for O levels, and now this.

my scoreboard now reads:

PSLE - win
O Levels - win
A Levels - LOSE

the only thing i was just a little glad about was my B for Knowledge and Inquiry.

I was positive that it was impossible for me to get a B for KI.

i'm so sure that i screwed my IS like totally? hello?? i was still writing it on the same afternoon it was supposed to be sent to Cambridge.

yea, but KI (actually more specifically, IS did ) screwed my A Levels, so pooi to KI ! i believe that if i had finished my IS earlier instead of eating into my study time, i would have done much better. but oh wells, that just shows that i suck.

i suck i suck i suck.

for those who is thinking of doing KI, let me warn you...don't slack and finish your IS ASAP !!!

( im talking about this way too cheerfully for my liking )

my self esteem has gone into all time low mode, so i'll need sometime trying to rebuild that again i guess. except for that i'm actually quite psyched about Uni life (with DC i hope) ^^

My Pact With God

so tomorrow's the big day...

and i'm panicking.

i predict a BBCD ( or BBCDD since KI is a H2 subject).

although i say that, i know i'll be devastated if i actually did get that.

so many regrets that i didn't complete my IS earlier, i didn't work hard, i let IS eat up my studying time, and kept procrastinating.

i know Mr Loh was extremely worried about me due to my horrible JC1 Promo results. He sat down and had a talk with me and I promised him that i'll study hard in JC2.

But i didn't.

Last week, on one of my visits to Grandpa in the hospital he said that he was so proud to know that at least one of his grandchildren is going to university (my family isn't really well educated).

He said he was proud of me.

Yet, i feel like i have let him down.

God (by God, i refer to a being superior to us humans who may or may not belong to any particular religion), if you exist and care enough to listen, let us make a pact. If you grant me an AAAB, i promise to go to church (DC's church ^^). If you grant me an AAAA, i will believe in you, follow you and glorify your name. Since A for KI is impossible for me (actually B is quite impossible too since i got a D for prelims), odds that i will get A for KI by pure luck is miniscule so if i actually do, it'll be through some divine intervention (:

You might think i'm ridiculous, or even audacious to ask such things from 'God' (and the stuff like "God has a plan for everyone of us, so even if you get a EEEE, it's within God's plan"...yea, i don't believe that. )

Those who know me knows that i'm a freethinker bordering on being an atheist. Yet, why am i appealing for divine intervention now?

Well, i believe that even a strong atheist hanging from a thin branch on a cliff, on the verge of falling to his death, would pray for some divine intervention.

It's like when i was 7 years old and i woke up in the middle of the night believing that something bad happened to my mum (she was working nightshift in those days), all i could do was cry and pray to God for her safety.

This is how we humans are - when there is nothing else we can do, we pray and hope.

And this is why religion appeals to so many.

who knows? maybe tomorrow will be the day i change my mind, we shall see.

all the best to myself...

Overdue Valentine's Day Date!

So we finally had our Valentine's Day date after postponing it for so long ^^

We initially planned to go to the zoo, but didn't cus we wanted to save some money =S

It was my last chance to visit Grandpa at Tan Tock Seng this week since i was busy on all other days, so we decided to window shop at Novena Square until it was time for Grandpa's radiotherapy session.

After that we went to Sakae Sushi for the dinner buffet from 3 to 6pm for S$13.90 (youth). Actually we contemplated a lot of Japanese restaurants, but we're are spendthrifts so although we've already tried Sakae (which isn't very good) but not any other jap restaurants, we still went back for it. To us, cheap + buffet = good. lol.


DC's Take 1. XD


My favourite, chawanmushi!!! (steamed egg)

I ate like 4 of them lol.


End of my Take 1, break time.

Each buffet allows you to have unlimited coloured plates (except red) and 1 free wakame (seaweed) or kitsune ("fox" - fried tofu) udon and 1 free red plate.


So here's our chosen red plates, premium unagi (eel) and sake (salmon) sushi ^^

They were much better than the normal coloured plates. Most of the normal ones don't even taste nice at all, with a fishy stink and not so fresh ingredients.

Let me warn you, whatever you do, DO NOT ORDER INARI SUSHI. it sucked really bad. Inari sushi you can get in a box readymade from SushiDeli actually tastes much better!


DC is in love with the green peas like thing that's called Edamame ): , but i didn't really like them so i'm all "bleh! screw the peas!!!"

Evidence of the secret affair with the Edamame:

lol doesn't he just look SOOO cute here? XD


haha, DC's trying to force feed me the peas! (lol he forgot to smile cus he was to focused on taking the picture XD)

Now he looks fine and i look weird -_-


lol, my turn to feed ^^ ( I seem overly excited XD)

(after calming down)

Remember i posted about wanting a Couple Necklace?

We got it! :D ....tadaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!!!!!!!!!!!


(lol, i really AM overly excited XD)

(after calming down again) XD

We just got necklaces to wear our rings on the neck cus sometimes people ask questions when we wear the rings. ^^


Yum yum yum! (after polishing off 24 plates in total, which is same number we ate last year XD)

After that we went to Little India (cus i wanted to buy heena paste) and....


made him pose with a goddess with an exposed chest!
(but he seems to be looking elsewhere, at another bigger chested girl perhaps?)


me with another goddess ^^

After that we walked around and stumbled upon the famous Mustafa Centre! i don't understand why anyone would want to buy branded goods there when it's the same price and all the stuff is just mashed together and stacked on top of each other =/

I made a new discovery!

Say hi to my new bf! XD


Somehow DC doesn't seem to be jealous haha ):

lol can you guess what that mascot is??? think indian food, hahahaha!
.

.

.

it's Thosai !


hahaha look the same right??

After that we kinda got lost and ended up at Farrer Park mrt XD


lol we were so tired from all the walking i wanted to take a 'zonking out' pic but i got too excited hahahaha! XD

(bleh, my teeth looks hideous in this pic ): )


(after calming down again again) gahhhhhhh my face is superrrrrrrrrr fat!!!!

I zonked out after that and slept the whole MRT journey, only waking up to adjust my position on DC's shoulder XD mehehehehehhe i am so xing fu (blessed)!

In Memory Of My Grandmother

February 2006, I was summoned to the General Office through the PA system in the middle of a Maths Common Test. There i discovered my crying mother, sobbing uncontrollably as she choked out the news of my paternal Grandma's passing. We rushed back to Malaysia and throughout the whole journey i just felt numb.

Walking into my Grandparents' room, I saw Grandma lying on the bed in her pyjamas. She was surrounded by my sobbing aunts and sombre uncles. Why? She is just asleep.

Later, the "doctor" shooed us all out and spent 45 minutes with my Grandma. I was told that it is to extract her blood and internal organs and inject preservatives into her. When we were allowed back in, i discovered 2 buckets with red plastic bags in them behind the door. I did not dare to investigate further.

Next, my aunts started changing Grandma into layers of these brightly coloured and shiny satin clothes. I stood and watched as they shifted her around to get her into the clothes until someone accidently tore the skin on her arm.

There was no blood. Only yellowish flesh underneath where the skin tore.

The "doctor" taped it up and reminded us to be more careful with her.

When she was fully dressed with makeup, she was placed in the coffin and sealed. Why are you sealing her in? How is she going to breathe?

We knelt in front of her and prayed everyday.

Yet, everything seemed so surreal, like in a dream.

Only it wasn't.

On the 3rd day, some monks performed a ceremony. All of us had to keep kneeling down and standing back up while saying prayers with only a painfully thin straw mat separating our knees and the hard bitumen road for more than an hour.

It was horribly painful. I cringed each time i knelt down after the first half hour. In the end, my knees ended up red and bruised with spots of blood where the vessels burst underneath the skin.

On the cremation day, we walked with only socks on the scorching road to send Grandma on her way... Holding up the single Chrysanthemum flower, I felt strangely depressed...

Grandma, where are you going?

Are you leaving us?

In the cremation room, through the glass panels we saw Grandma being elevated up into the room. Suddenly, she was on fire! And the glass panels were closing in...

I saw my Dad, who had not shed a tear since, press himself against the glass panels and started grasping it, shouting "Mum, don't go..." with tears streaming down his face. He looked as if he wanted to smash the glass and save Grandma from the fire.

I cried.

I love you Grandma, although I never had the courage to tell you so, even when you became sick, I'm sorry.

I miss you so much.

Things To Watch When You Think Your Life Sucks

it all started when jia hong asked me to watch this video...



Nick Vujicic was born without limbs but he is happier than some of us who are perfectly able.

Then, i dug out my favourite video...



this is so damn touching and sad...

Eliot had Edward's Syndrome.

After that, i explored a bit...



Abby and Brittany are conjoined twins. They have their own hearts, lungs, stomach but they share the same intestines, bladder, female organs. They control 1 arm each, which mean even simple things like catching a ball and tying shoelaces should be difficult to coordinate but somehow they coordinate really well.

There are so many questions here. Will they get salaries as 2 people or 1? How will they date? Can they marry? If one dies first, will the other die too?

Lastly...



Juliana Wetmore has Treacher Collins Syndrome which affects 1 in 10,000 babies. She has severe craniofacial (skull and face) deformities.

Ok i'm sure all of you average girls like me out there have thought that you are ugly, or not pretty enough...you know the whole range.

I had DC to change my mindset (: after having him telling me i'm beautiful so many times even when i'm seriously down in the dumps, crying, bawling and ugly...i really believe that i'm beautiful to him. maybe not to you, but that doesn't really matter.

Juliana must be beautiful to her family too, and that will be what really matters to her. I think she is beautiful too, not aesthetically but for what she (and many others) represents - the strength of life.

A LEVELS RESULT RELEASE DATE!!!!!!!!!!!! (again and final)

It is official.

Alevels results is going to be released on 6 March 2009 this Friday at 2.30pm.

this is absolutely reliable. scroll to the bottom for the source.

(end of forced calm mode)

WHAT THE FISH.

i am totally mentally unprepared. i know of many who have already sent in tons of Uni and scholarship applications but I'M IN DENIAL !!!

Gahhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I DON'T WANT TO GET BACK MY RESULTS !!!


when i think of KI (knowledge and inquiry)....oh gawd i should just jump cus no one will take a student with D for KI.

my IS (independent study, some research paper for KI) was totally crap and screwed up. writing that stupid 3000 word paper was the most horrible and torturous thing i did in my whole life. (if u say i'll have to write even longer essays in Uni, i beg to differ cus as long as it isn't a philosophy paper, it's probably much easier to write)

i lived in pain every single day i was writing it.

THE INDEPENDENT STUDY CYCLE
1) you feel absolutely stupid cus you can't come up with anything good.

2) you force and gorge some words out of yourself

3) you feel like a living piece of trash cus your teacher tells you your work is crap.

4) repeat.

5) you end up feeling stupid, incompetent, depressed, worthless and FREAKING ANXIOUS cus your work is already overdue and YET YOU CAN'T WRITE A SINGLE WORD.

see the hell i went through?

and if you are anything as slack as me, you will end up eating into your study time for Alevels to finish it. Finally, you finish it but you still screw it up and in addition, you also ruin your Alevels due to lack of time to study.

Now 3 months later, you are getting your Alevels results and YOU ARE FREAKING OUT.

oh yes, for the source click here.

Nobody - Wonder Girls

Sebastian made us watch this at work haha XD

It is actually a very nice and addictive song!

The MV is SUPER FUNNY lol !

The Thing I Hate Most About Myself

if there is one thing i hate most about myself, it is not my introversion, nor my lack of willpower, nor my temper, nor my impatience, nor my incompetencies, but the fact that i care so damn much about what other people say and think of me.

yes it's true, and i hate it.

no matter who you are, how subtly put your criticism, or even though i know that you don't even mean what you say, or even it isn't even true at all, it bothers me a lot inside.

and by a lot, i really mean a lot but you don't have to know the details.

and it's not just criticism, any sort of meanness simply wrecks me.

i wonder how i'm going to survive out there in the working world.

can i get anymore pathetic?

no?

yay!