People always tell me that the chances of first love succeeding is extremely extremely unlikely.
And they always tell me not to put too much hope and heart into it.
I was indignant at a point.
I insisted that if you work hard enough at it, it will succeed somehow.
But they tell me, usually the first one is never the right one.
What if it just so happens that the first one is the right one? It's possible right? Then it will succeed right?
It turns out I was mistaken.
...........................
Why are the chances of first loves succeeding so slim?
Lack of experience.
You are more likely to give up on the relationship easily because you have yet to learn to appreciate one.
You are more likely to have 2nd thoughts about the relationship because you have no previous experiences to compare it to.
You are more likely to stray because you have yet to seen what's out there.
You are less tolerant of your partner because you never had to tolerate anyone so much before.
.....................
So it turns out that even if your first love is the 'right' one, the chances of succeeding are still minuscule.
Then what exactly is the formula for being together forever?
Anyway, for the record I don't even believe in "Mr Right" or "soulmates" now. Sure, some people are more suitable for some and that probably helps but the determining factor for being together forever is faarrrrrrrrrrr from that.
Then what - love? Honestly I don't think love rules it all either.
What really decides whether 2 people will be together forever is whether you will forgive the person an uncountable number of times.
It takes a lot of effort and energy to forgive the same person again and again.
Every time you forgive, it secretly makes your heart a little heavier. Then a little more, and a little more...
Until your heart plummets through the sky and splatters onto the cold concrete floor.
.........
So ask yourself, are you able to forgive this person without limits? Are you willing to patch up again and again with this person after a fight?
If you are, I think you're almost ready to say "I do" at the altar.
(By the way, I'm not referring to forgiving cheating and all that. Sure you can be together forever if can forgive cheating, but the question is whether you want to.)
........................
Returning to the main topic, it seems like they were right - it is extremely unlikely for a first love to succeed.
But they are still wrong.
I should and will put all my heart into it.
Because it isn't real love otherwise.
And I'm very sure every drop of mine is real.
So basically,
It's just a hole that you gotta fall into.
23 January 2010
First Love
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6 comments:
Siah,
Do not give on love.
You are still very young. You are correct in that lack of experience can affect the outcome of first loves.
However, many first loves, are often really, for lack of a better way of stating this, more like first lust.
There is excitement in being accepted by someone we really, really are attracted to, and that is made stronger when that person feels the same towards you.
When one is young tough, hormones are powerful agents that along with emotions cloud our judgement.
Most often the male who appears to be Mr. Right, is actually
Mr. Rightnow. (in my case I encountered a few Ms. Rightnow's along the bumby road of romance before I met the Filipina who eventually became my wife.
I take that your first love has fizzled out.
Do not despair, and look back upon the lessons learned.
Best of luck in the future!
David
Hi David,
are you the David LaBedz who sent me the email regarding my post on Christian Indoctrination?
Anyway, thanks for your comment and encouragement :)
However, you're mistaken about the fact that my "first love has fizzled out". I very clearly wrote "I should and will put all my heart into it." Present tense. I wouldn't write that if there was no more first love to put my heart into. ^^
boo! lp here. im glad u 2 r still doing fine but im still v much a skeptic on l o v e. to me, the only reason ppl will get tgt is to propagate (most don't know on a conscious level). sure there can be many other reasons we can give (eg liking a person's character etc), but nature don't care.
this may be a good read http://www.in-mind.org/issue-6/the-anatomy-of-love.html, anatomy of love. nth related to what i said above though.
Hey lp :)
I agree with you.
People probably get together to propagate without being conscious of it. And all the benefits of getting together are simply incentives to do so. Just like the fact that eating gives us pleasure is an incentive for us to get energy and live on.
But that is no reason to go against this because we get no good out of it.
As for the lack of meaning/reasons, as Nietzsche says in Birth of Tragedy, "the true meaning of life is too terrible for us, which is why we create our own meanings to enable us to live on". And I think humans are really good at that. Haha :)
Siah,
I am the same person who sent you the email regarding Christian indoctrination.
David
Nice writeup and I agree with you as long as what you said refers to "first relationship" but not "first love".
To share my story with you, my first relationship had passed the 6th year. It's certainly almost a decade if you would like to add the "courting" and friendship period.
If this relationship will truly fall out one day, then I will say it's the end of my life. :) As for now your opinions hold, but still remains a myth.
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